Coming out of the fog.

I know.  Like a lot of things I do, I came out strong with guns a blazing and then fell flat and forgot about it.  I have to confess that happened partially because I fell in a bit of a creative funk or a fog where I would start to write something or try and collect my thoughts and it quickly became incoherant rambling and I would stop.  The other side of the coin was that often times I can just speak and it appears that it is happening just to hear my own voice.  Talking for me is easy, but I want my voice to have a depth and substance that is beyond me.  There have been times in my job where I will be speaking with a client and laying down some truth about their lives and choices and after it is all said and done, all I can say is "Who just said that?" because that was way too smart for me.  I love those moments.  Never am I more out of (my) control, but never do I speak with more confidence because I am in (His) control.  I would love to be like Scripture says about Samuel, after he "woke up", came out of his fog and realized that God was talking to him.  It said that "the Lord was with Samuel as he grew up, he let none of his words fall to the ground."(1 Samuel 3:19)  At this moment I can somewhat relate with Samuel because I'm not typically awake at 6 am, yet I could not get back to sleep.  So here we are.

The passage that I was directed to this morning as I attempted to get back to sleep (fighting God, ever been there?) was Psalm 139.  It is a familiar Psalm, but I love how it is divided into what seems to me to be 3 distinct conversations.  This of course leads me to believe that the Psalmist in this case is a good Wesleyan preacher being that it's a 3 point sermon.  Okay, that may be a joke.  Not funny I know. 

The first conversation (vs 1-18) is the Psalmist basically saying, "God, You are awesome, You made me, and there is nowhere I can go to escape you."  It speaks to the intimacy of how God sees us, how He knew of us before we were born and how He is so in love with us that there is nowhere we can go to escape his presence.  There is so much more that could be explored in these verses, but to keep this blog at a length that you will still want to read I will simply say this.  Do you feel alone? God is always with you.  (vs 7-10)  Do you feel like no one gets you?  He does.  (vs 1-4)

The second conversation is a little more raw and hits pretty close to home for me.  It's almost like the Psalmist hadn't slept for a while and then penned these words.  You know how when you are tired you tend to shut off the censor button in your brain and what you think you say?  I don't have proof of this, but this seems to be the case here.  In this raw point of the Psalm the writer tells God to just "do away" with those who slander God's name.  Like in Jonah where Jonah would rather see the evil doers done away with than loving them because from our earthly perspective that just seems easier.  Admittedly I have times where I feel this way.  Not that I want God to kill people, but it's almost like it would be easier to wash my hands of these people who just don't seem to get this "Jesus thing" and hang out with the happy little Christians inside the walls of this building we call the church. (Which is NOT the church by the way)  After this last Friday night when I was given the opportunity to participate in a ministry opportunity with BOAZ hanging out, high fiving, hugging and throwing a football with some kids in situation that they did not deserve to be in, God made it very clear to me: "THIS IS WHY WE DO NOT QUIT, WE DO NOT GIVE UP AND WE DO NOT STOP LOVING AND DO NOT GROW WEARY IN DOING WHAT IS RIGHT"  To hear the laughter of these kids whom do not have much to laugh about is why we love the unlovable, give hope to the hopeless and give comfort to the hurting and this requires us to get out of our pews and into the muck of society where we may not be comfortable.  "The reality is this": these kids and their families may not be comfy with it as well, but it is their life until someone shows them there is a better way and a way out and His name is JESUS.

The third conversation flows from the second.(vs 23-24)  I find myself in this conversation more often than I would like to admit.  Off the top of my head I call it the "Whoops" conversation or the "Did I just say that? I'm sorry" part.  The Psalmist last words before this one are "I have nothing but hatred for them, I count them my enemies."  It's almost like he catches himself here and says, "What am I saying?"  Ever been there?  Ever spout off in your anger? (justified or not)  Ever say something and then realize, "That may not be the best representation of God's point of view?"  Yeah me too. 

"Search me O God and know my heart;

Test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way of everlasting."

I love this.  The first conversation says, You know me, You get me and You love me.

The second conversation says, I cannot stand those who do not acknowlege You or misuse Your name Lord.

The third conversation says, I am sorry because they are Your children as well and forgive me of my wrong thinking and rotten attitude.  Lead me Lord in Your ways.

I hope this connects with somebody who reads this.  If you've read it all, thank you.  I know it's a lot to read, but despite the creative fog I found myself in, my mind has been constantly going about "Why we do what we do or why I do what I do in all things" and this has challenged how I have been and want to be living my life.  I guess it comes down to this, "Does my life show you Jesus?"  If yes that is awesome.  If not, time to make some changes.  Simple right?

	Psa 139:24